i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
