Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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