i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
