I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
