it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize