He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize