I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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