i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
