did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
