shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
