I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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