Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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