the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
