I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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