I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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