People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
