btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
