I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
COCAINE IS GR8
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
