This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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