And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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