I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
