I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
