Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
