Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize