the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
