I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
