I accidentally had phone sex last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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