elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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