dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize