Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
