wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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