god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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