I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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