I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
