I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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