Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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