when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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