Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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