you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
