Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
