Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
