you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
