we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
