Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
