Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
