hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
