so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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