god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize