dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
