We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize