I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
