I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize