i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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