He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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