I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize