There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
