have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
