Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
