I wish I could punch you in the face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize