Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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