Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
