I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
