He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The uberlube is also flammable
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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