I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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