I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
