Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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