So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
