I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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