You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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