Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
